The Once-Over
Love is in the air so let’s talk about a match made in the internet’s hetero-hellscape: Chad and That Girl. Content warning that this column talks about sexual relations and sexism so if you’re not up for that please scroll-on-by! According to fashion youtuber moderngurlz “That Girl” is a TikTok aesthetic like cottagecore or dark academia (kids these days!) that expands into an entire lifestyle. That Girl is defined as much by what she wears (athleisure, crew neck sweaters, solid pastel basics) by what she does (makes her own latte, wakes up at 6:00AM, has a 16 step skincare routine). That Girl is aspirational just like her counterpart Chad: the idealized hypermasculine ladykiller venerated and at times despised by incels. If this sounds like a bunch of indecipherable gen-z internet speak, it absolutely is but don’t worry – we’re going to break it down and figure out what these feminine and masculine ideals say about wtf cis-het people are up to.
Double Take
Let’s start with incels or “involuntarily celibates,” an internet community of folks who want to get laid but for some reason aren’t, started on Reddit by a woman named Alana. Over the years, the group has spun out of control and is now dominated by men who feel that women are wrong for withholding sex from them which has led some to commit acts of violence and mass murder. Becoming a sexually irresistable “Chad,” the only kind of man they believe women to be interested in, is the aspiration of many incels which has created it’s own “lifestyle.” There are more normal actions like drinking protein shakes and going to the gym, but aspiring Chads also chew jaw trainers, forgo soy, and take up “mewing,” the practice of holding your tongue at the roof of your mouth to supposedly straighten your teeth and strengthen your jaw. Chadification adherents even forgo masturbation (see: no-nut November) with the belief that it will spike their testosterone.
Where aspiring to Chad-dom is all about sex, becoming That Girl is seemingly devoid of it. That Girl is so preoccupied with bullet journaling each productive moment that it doesn’t even seem like a Goop vibrator would have shelf space among the potted plants, yoga mats, and Nutri-Bullets. The lifestyle’s preoccupation with keeping a rigorous work-out routine and eating nutritious (and very small) meals is seen as healthy, productive living whereas looking pretty, thin, or even sexy is seen to be a byproduct of the lifestyle. I see this as an evolution of diet-culture where a diet and exercise routine isn’t a tool to reach some arbitrary body goal, but the goal itself.
An interesting comparison between Chad and That Girl is their implication of the public gaze, at times both male and female. The desire to become a Chad is heterosexual men reproducing the female gaze – wanting to become the thing they believe women desire. That Girl is seen and appraised primarily by other women, some of whom may be reproducing the male gaze in their appraisal but not inherently. Thought That Girl and Chad are paired in this column, That Girl’s seeming lack of sexual life (voluntary celibacy?) broadens her appeal beyond just heterosexual women.
My Eyes Are Up Here
That Girl and Chad are both aspirational ideals within the gender binary – but that doesn’t mean they’re devoid of queer subtext. The idea of “becoming” a kind of gender ideal is a very trans phenomenon which Chad’s obsession with testosterone levels and body modification especially embodies. Likewise, the desire for appraisal by fellow women and men in both internet communities seems more than a little gay to me. Whatever your gender journey, I hope you find some time to affirm yourself and love your body today. Whether a Goop vibrator gets involved in that is up to you.